Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Bruno Mars, I'm concerned

I don't like the music of Bruno Mars. For several reasons.

1) It gets all stuck up in my head too easily.
2) It sounds so happy, but it's really the same whiny things Dashboard was singing about 10 years ago.
3) It's not good.

That being said, I'm concerned, and here's why.

First, I heard his song "Just the Way You Are," in which he expresses to unknown woman...sorry, "girl"...well, not even to, more about. So there's this girl, and her eyes are making shiny things appear less shiny, her hair is perfect, she doesn't buy into compliments, and she don't see what our boy Bruno sees.

What we've learned so far, Bruno Mars puts his lady friends on a high pedestal but keeps them in check by calling them "girl" regardless of age. This woman has, in Bruno's mind, an unrealistic self-image. Bruno is crap at grammar.

Now it's the chorus that really gets me. Every time, EVERY TIME, this lovely young lady asks Bruno if what she's wearing looks okay he says THE SAME THING EVERY TIME! And everything he has to say about her is about her face, which has nothing to do with what she's wearing.

Just say, "yes," and we could move on! But no. Not Bruno. He evades the question. He won't answer about her clothes; moreover, he says the same thing every time she asks making it a thoughtless and careless response. It's rehearsed and loses all meaning.

So let's assume she did not dump him.

Now the only other Bruno Mars song I've ever heard is called "Grenade." In this song Bruno's lady is put into HORRIBLE situations (or she's completely safe), and Bruno will do nothing helpful to save her. He will, however, kill himself.

She's tossed everything Bruno had in the trash, probably because he's just as careless with his compliments. All Bruno wants from her is all of her love. Is that so much to ask? He can promise in return to blindly compliment you and evade questions. But this lady doesn't seem to understand that Bruno would catch grenades (that may or may not have been thrown at said lady of interest), throw his hand on a blade (in a grand gesture of blood sacrifice, I guess), jump in front of a train (to stop it so she can get on it maybe?), take a bullet to the brain ("I'll kill myself if you won't love me"). Bruno would die for this woman, completely unnecessarily.

And because of the lack of returned affection he suggests the woman is going to hell, or is at least in cahoots with Satan.

Here's the thing though. At the end of each chorus Bruno points out that she's not going to do the same for him. One, because she doesn't love him. Two, because he's a sloppy complimenter and inattentive. Three, because she's not suicidal.

So, if you get a moment, maybe just write Bruno Mars a little note asking him to calm down. Remind him he has so much to live for. (There's cake to be eaten). In the meantime, listen to some Kings of Convenience.


  1. I know this wasn't the point of the post, but I got totally distracted when you mentioned Kings of Convenience and remembered how much I love them. Kings of Convenience...yes. I will listen to them for the rest of the night.

    1. Agreed. Kings of convenience used to rule the school for me. also, i like this post.
      boom, baby