Monday, March 12, 2012

This Monday is Confusing.

I have about agrillion things to say. It's been insanity lately. So much moving around - e'erday I'm shuffling, bouncing around this mid-west like silly putty. Milwaukee to eat pulled pork, drink PBR and listen to The Promise Ring tear shit up at the Turner Hall and make every late 20-something, 30-something remember Happiness is All the Rage. Nashville to get drink specials, love on my best friends, buy books and eat a ridiculous amount of fried food. Yesterday, La Porte Indiana to hang with some cousins, get my hair did, and eat a 1/2 pound hamburger with 4 strips of bacon.

This is my life: moving, shaking and eating all the things.

Then, it's back to work. Sometimes I'm vacant there. My eyes are dead eyes - and I get inspired to write eulogies for everyone who has died on the inside (starting with me). Anyway, this is basically what I want to tell you: something terrible happened at work today. Something ridiculously weirdly bad that I cried for about 2 hours. But in the midst of that dumbass shit storm, something amazing happened. I think I'm going to use the word "miracle" - a "miracle" happened while the chaos was swirling. Actually, I don't know if miracle is an appropriate term, but really, it kinda felt like one.

So, this bad thing happened and of course it had something to do with a human. This particular human hurt my feelings. And that should be normal, I work with the public; that happens. But this was unseen. Completely out of the blue, so to speak. And he not only yelled at me in this weird manner, he turned it around and made me feel like this whole confusing ordeal was my fault. He even used a phrase ("cordial conflict") that made my head spin. What the hell, dude? I just asked you to follow the rules. No need to slam through the door and start yelling insane things at me in front of the whole Children's Department. Okay. Enough of that.

After that. Oh man, after that I was sitting down at my desk trying to wrap my head around what I did to make this man so angry, especially because I'm so damn nice. Anyway, I'm sitting there. Two kids around the age of 11 or 12, came up to me quietly. One girl one boy - cute little red heads. He has glasses and they both had khakis on. Quietly, they looked me right in the eyes and they told me: "sorry you're sad. [pause] sorry he hurt your feelings." Then, as if the universe really cared about me, they said, "is there anything we can do for you?"

I told them I was sorry they had to see that man yell at me. They continued to examplify this amazing love and said, "that's okay."

tell me that's not the closest thing to a miracle you've ever heard.

Monday, March 5, 2012

An Indy Rant (indie rant coming soon)

I've been driving for about 9 years. I'm a very good driver. That's not just by my standards. My insurance company lowers my insurance all the time. Because I'm great! I've been in two accidents. Neither remotely my fault. I've been living in Indianapolis since June. Since then I've been involved in nearly 30 separate collisions. On top of having my car spit at about 3 times a week as I drive home. By pedestrians. Pedestrians on the sidewalk. Pedestrians I am in no way near to striking, but that's not the point. The collisions are the point.
I don't think Indianapolis has traffic laws. The only time I ever see anyone stopped by a police officer the driver is also in hand-cuffs. So that doesn't seem like a moving violation.
One day I was driving home from work. I'm coming down a one-way street to an intersection where my street merges to make another street become a two-way street. So my eastbound traffic comes against westbound traffic. At the intersection though eastbound traffic continues onto a one-way street. Are you following me? At the intersection there is two-way traffic to my right and one-way traffic to my left. I turn right. As I'm turning someone from my left misses my car by less than a foot because I'm a good defensive driver and I stopped in time! I honked with my newly repaired horn. The cop behind me honked at me for not going through the intersection, completely disregarding the car driving the WRONG DIRECTION on a ONE-WAY STREET!
There's a curve near my apartment. The speed limit is 35. And it's right at the Monon Trail. I always slow down because my biggest fear in life is hitting a pedestrian with my car, because no matter the scenario that always ends up being the driver's fault. I also now always slow down, because when I'm driving west the traffic traveling east ALWAYS crosses the center line. ALWAYS. I've yet to have a morning when I'm going to work that someone from opposing traffic has not crossed the DOUBLE YELLOW line. The solution is real quite simple. Slow the hell down! I always honk, which I secretly hope scares the shit out of them and causes them to crash into a tree. Or me. Because then ya know, new car. I've seen cops do it. And now that the horn on my car works they ALL get honked at. Coppers too.
And today, I was coming back to the office from lunch turning right on a green light. And Johnny Left Turn, who was waiting behind another vehicle that sped in front of me, decided if that car could do it so could he. In his big-ass van! I slammed on my brakes, which squealed and yelled. Oh did I yell.
I yell at people who don't use their turn signals. I roll down my window just for that. And it's a manual crank for that window, kids. I yell at pedestrians who cross the street 30 feet from the crosswalk WHEN the cars start approaching or when the crosswalk changes to don't walk.
Because I'm the only person in ALL OF INDIANAPOLIS who knows about traffic laws. I'm looking at you Indianapolis Metropolitan Police Department. I know there are other crimes to stop, but a pedestrian losing a leg in a car accident is a pubic safety issue too!