He's just so adorable

Last Thursday consisted of several things. Work. Waiting in line. Talking to strangers. Wandering downtown Indianapolis asking for celebrities to flock to me. Waiting in blob.
But most significantly about 4:10 with my only two friends in Indianapolis I made my way into the Hilbert Circle Theatre. We sat in our seats in the center box at the back of the theatre on the floor. Well, we sat there and then got shuffled around by a lady with a huge vagomach. Then shuffled around by a girl and her boyfriend, but this time with three Russian girls. We finally settled into our seats after an adorable old man leaned over all of us to tell us if we left during a commercial break we could lose our seat. And if we shook hands with someone coming out of the bathroom we might pee hands.
We sat through the opener, who wasn't that bad, but wasn't that great. But I suppose that's the point. Give us a middling guy so the real guy is extra wonderful.
Let me tell you, Jimmy Fallon? Extra wonderful. The Roots? EXTRA wonderful. But the reason anyone even goes to Jimmy Fallon is because he's so adorable. He's pretty good at impersonations, but what he's really great at is loving his job. When a football player breaks a tricycle Jimmy Fallon laughs at the ridiculousness, not because he's horrible at holding character, but because he loves life. One has to hand it to Andy Samberg on that one. Jimmy Fallon is always excited about everything. Despite Taylor Lautner or Adam Levine or the emphasis on sportsball Jimmy Fallon remained entirely precious. Even when he nearly hit himself in the head with a plate all I wanted to do was give Jimmy a hug. In a completely uncreepy way. I promise. He's grown from the little laughing lamb he was on Saturday Night Live (yeah, that's right. I don't abbrev. that). Easily my favorite part of the whole night though was watching him nitpick about his hair and the sweat on his face or watching him laugh as we watched "the Real Housewives of Late Night." He just loves his job. And who wouldn't.
If you watch Thursday's episode and any portion of Sunday's live episode, or if you didn't watch either, I do want to point out that Jimmy Fallon should always wear a blue suit over a black or charcoal suit. He simply looks sharper in the blue.
It was not his most hilarious show, but it was the most wonderful time.
But I'm just going to say it, I wasn't going to, but I'm going to. Jimmy Fallon did not go out for drinks with us afterward, and I'm not remotely happy about it.

Mom, is this the bible?

When you're in my line of work, you can hear some funny stuff - and, to be fair, you get to *say* some funny stuff. For example, the other day I overheard this gem: Kid: "Mom, is this the bible?" Mom: "No, that's a goosebumps book."!!

Today, this little girl came flying in through the department, ecstatic to be at the library (which is awesome). She couldn't really put into words how happy she was so she exclaimed: "I'm going to take off my shoes AND my socks." Quietly behind her, her mother said, "No, you aren't."

Also, during storytime today, we did a little change up to "If you're happy and you know it". I had approximately 90 kids screaming, "If you're a monster and you know it, give a ROAR::: ROOOOAAAAAR" and so on and so forth.

Are you jealous yet? Because most of the time, my days are spent finding World Record books, Dinosaur facts, talking with kids about killing zombies, and being a damn rock star at storytime. Can I tell you that I made so many kids "ew" and "ah" with delight because of a pop-up book? It's an incredible thing to hear so many toddlers absolutely lose their shit because of a book. A BOOK. Take that, iPad. (No offense, iPad. I want one of you)

Lastly, look at this poster of Justin Bieber. A kid did this. Straight up put lip stick on his pouty mouth and heavily doused his eyes with marker eye liner. I mean, don't be mad at me that I get to live this life. It's fun to be the cool librarian. It's fun to hear a kid say to his mom (about me), "she helped me find all these books" - if I do nothing else in my life, I know that my stint as a librarian is meaningful and important and down right awesomely hilarious.




sappy enough for ya?

Robots and Dinosaurs

I'm 24 years old. In a little over a month that will change. Last week a travesty occurred. I was getting into bed when I noticed a tear and a growing hole in my sheet. Now I don't believe in top sheets, so we're just talking about the fitted sheet. Flannel sheets, so not some piddly cotton sheet. Flannel sheets I've had for, well shoot, probably two years? It's encouraging to a degree, because now I know that when I am sleeping, rare as that is, I'm a power-sleeper. I'm a destroyer of sheets with nothing more than my snoozing body!

"Then why is it a travesty?" You're asking. Well, these weren't just flannel sheets. They were flannel robot sheets. Vaguely like this rug. Well exactly like this rug, only sheets, and on a lighter blue.

And I know as an adult I should learn to have sheets for adults, but I'm single. I don't have a roommate. I have a twin bed. So losing the robot sheets was a real blow to my sense of security.

So Saturday afternoon my mom and I went to anywhere we could think of. I had already conquered the internet shopping experience. Marshalls (where I originally purchased the sheets), T.J. Maxx, Target, Macy's, Penneys, Bed Bath and Beyond, Gordmans. We started at Target and ended at Target. I reluctantly went back into the store and bought white sheets with dinosaurs on them. Cotton sheets. Not flannel to better keep me warm in the apartment I refuse to heat. Cotton. Not robots. Dinosaurs. Don't get me wrong. I love me some dinosaurs. Jurassic Park is in my top 10. But they aren't my robots.

Plus! They mix dinosaurs with dino bones. Well, dino skulls. Which I feel is just cruel to the dinosaurs.

"Behold your future," said the sheet to itself.

Crying Shame or What I learn from America's Funniest Videos

Sometimes the lesson in life is simple. Sometimes it's convoluted, tangled and insanely difficult to .. you know, grasp. Sometimes the lesson revolves around serious life events, but mostly, lessons are something like: Don't play with puppies in your underwear. Or, for the love of all that's good in this world, don't jump on an old trampoline. Or, listen up, don't let your grannies ride scooters.

But can you believe it? Have you ever even SEEN an episode of America's Funniest Videos? Never, NEVER jump on a trampoline. NEVER NEVER try to get into a paddle boat off a rickety dock. Don't sled. Just DO NOT sled. I mean, most of my life lessons I've learned from AFV.

Well, there are other life lessons that AFV can't *really* portray on the show. For instance, never have sex on the first date. And if you do, that's okay, just don't let it get *too* weird.. you know, paddling and masks and acid. Like, burning acid not dropping acid. Dropping acid is okay. Also, don't show up at your male lover's house with a gun and shoot his wife. I'm looking at you, Amy Fisher. I mean, life goes deeper than what AFV can show you, but not really. If it seems like a bad idea, don't do it. If you think jumping on an exercise ball is a bad idea, don't do it. If you think clubbing your opponent's knees is a bad idea, don't do it.

Same lesson, different vehicles to teach the lesson. Right?

For now, I think I have a handle on most things. But, to fill in the gaps, this is me. Driving. Taking a picture of myself. That's a terrible idea. Don't do that either.

Jesus Christ!

Interview Outfits and Other Things

I don't have a picture of the outfit I wore for my interview in Providence this past weekend, but don't worry because I looked cute. I wore brown cords with a grey blazer, some brown moccasins (I have a thing, I told you) and a green glass necklace. My hair was up like a messy librarian's would be, and I sported a borrowed red vintage peacoat and a snazzy umbrella, so that when I shook hands I could rest it in the crook of my arm like I was Dr. John Watson. If only.

The interview went well. I met all the other applicants, and they were smart and good looking and did things like wear purple coats and nice shoes, and they asked intelligent questions. For the most part I was just awkward and nodded a lot. I almost kicked a table over, too. Suffice to say, I was myself.

Traveling takes it out of you, really. But now I'm going to spend the next two weeks, as always, writing poems about people I saw in the airport.

...and all I know for sure is what earrings I'm wearing

About a month ago I applied for tickets to go to the taping of Late Night with Jimmy Fallon while he's in Indy for the super bowel. (You read that correctly.) A couple of weeks ago I received an e-mail that said I was going to the taping of Late Night with Jimmy Fallon while he's in Indy for the super bowel. Well, now it's the Monday of the week I go to the taping of Late Night with Jimmy Fallon while he's in Indy for the super bowel, and all I know for sure is what earrings I'm wearing.

I have to work that morning, but I'm getting off early to go pick up my tickets with my two friends who have to be present when he get our tickets. And then we'll spend the afternoon downtown wondering where celebrities hang out in Indianapolis the week of the super bowel before we get in line to go to the taping of Late Night with Jimmy Fallon while he's in Indy for the super bowel. So I could theoretically change after to work. Into some jeans, but as a very typical girl, what do I wear?! I got dressed this morning and as I walked out of my apartment all I could think was, "Well, dang. I should have saved this for Thursday." But it's too late now. I'm sitting in it now. Soaking my day's filth into the fibers. Jimmy will know. I will know.

What's worse is I just learned who will be on the show this week and Thursday, my friends, is a disappointment. Tonight is Glenn Close and Emmy Rossum. Tomorrow is JACK MCBRAYER! and people I don't think are real. WEDNESDAY is TRACY MORGAN and Tim Tebow. Friday is SNOOP DOGG. But Thursday? Taylor Lautner and Adam Levine with Nas as the musical guest. Come on, Jimmy. What that does mean though is we could run into Jack McBrayer or Tracy Morgan this week. What that also means is it isn't Seth Rogen or Jason Segel.



And the real point is I only know for sure that I'm wearing these.

Why I don't want to meet your mother

Not YOU specifically, but "you" Ted Mosby's children you. I've been watching "How I Met Your Mother" since it started, and when we made it to season 2 all I could think was "wait really?! You're going to pick this up for more seasons? I mean, I love it, but no one else is watching it."

We got to season 5, and I was surprised. I was happy, but I was surprised that it lasted this long. And that it persists. Still. The show is contracted for 8 seasons. So far.

My first complaint is this.

The name of the show, as I recall it, is "How I Met Your Mother," and the first two and a half seasons were about that. About halfway through season 3 the show made a switch. It became vaguely about Ted and the long road to meeting his future wife, and it moved to what should now be titled "How Barney Slept with Way Too Many Women Before I Met Your Mother, and How Inappropriate It Is That I, Your Father, Am Telling You These Things." (As evidenced by this picture that barely contains Ted's face.) Don't get me wrong, I love Barney Stinson. I adore Neil Patrick Harris. And I loved the chance to hear a little bit more about Marshall and Lily, because I want to marry Jason Segel and I want to be Alyson Hannigan. And the heart-breaking news about Robin not being able to have children forcing her to realize just how much she wanted them. It resonated. These are all important things, and I'm sure they do play a role in how Ted's life shapes before he meets his future wife. All of that except Barney's promiscuity.

But what I don't ever want, more than anything what I don't want is to meet their mother. I just don't. It's bad writing if we meet her. Because from the beginning we've been told the kids know the short story of how Ted met their mother. So all of the story we're hearing should lead up through that point, and at most see the back of her head. Any person they give us will be a disappointment, and anything beyond that moment will be "How Your Mother and I Began To Live Our Lives Together."

But, we will meet her, and it could easily go beyond. Though it never should. Something about American television says "Drag it out as long as you can. No matter how little sense it makes." I'm looking at you, "The Office."