This Monday is Confusing.

I have about agrillion things to say. It's been insanity lately. So much moving around - e'erday I'm shuffling, bouncing around this mid-west like silly putty. Milwaukee to eat pulled pork, drink PBR and listen to The Promise Ring tear shit up at the Turner Hall and make every late 20-something, 30-something remember Happiness is All the Rage. Nashville to get drink specials, love on my best friends, buy books and eat a ridiculous amount of fried food. Yesterday, La Porte Indiana to hang with some cousins, get my hair did, and eat a 1/2 pound hamburger with 4 strips of bacon.

This is my life: moving, shaking and eating all the things.

Then, it's back to work. Sometimes I'm vacant there. My eyes are dead eyes - and I get inspired to write eulogies for everyone who has died on the inside (starting with me). Anyway, this is basically what I want to tell you: something terrible happened at work today. Something ridiculously weirdly bad that I cried for about 2 hours. But in the midst of that dumbass shit storm, something amazing happened. I think I'm going to use the word "miracle" - a "miracle" happened while the chaos was swirling. Actually, I don't know if miracle is an appropriate term, but really, it kinda felt like one.

So, this bad thing happened and of course it had something to do with a human. This particular human hurt my feelings. And that should be normal, I work with the public; that happens. But this was unseen. Completely out of the blue, so to speak. And he not only yelled at me in this weird manner, he turned it around and made me feel like this whole confusing ordeal was my fault. He even used a phrase ("cordial conflict") that made my head spin. What the hell, dude? I just asked you to follow the rules. No need to slam through the door and start yelling insane things at me in front of the whole Children's Department. Okay. Enough of that.

After that. Oh man, after that I was sitting down at my desk trying to wrap my head around what I did to make this man so angry, especially because I'm so damn nice. Anyway, I'm sitting there. Two kids around the age of 11 or 12, came up to me quietly. One girl one boy - cute little red heads. He has glasses and they both had khakis on. Quietly, they looked me right in the eyes and they told me: "sorry you're sad. [pause] sorry he hurt your feelings." Then, as if the universe really cared about me, they said, "is there anything we can do for you?"

I told them I was sorry they had to see that man yell at me. They continued to examplify this amazing love and said, "that's okay."

tell me that's not the closest thing to a miracle you've ever heard.

Excuse me while I rant (aka: this is just the beginning)

I consider myself to be a connoisseur of sorts when it comes to customer service. I'm a consumer with lots of different businesses, but more importantly, I'm really ridiculously good at providing customer service. Really good. I'm not very good at lots of things, but this one, this one's my shining star. It's always been something I could do - relate and listen and care. I blame my dad, my dad's dad and mom, my mom's dad and my brother for this: we're all really good at it. When I was a social worker: good. When I was a server: good. When I library: good. So, I know bad service when I encounter it. And when I do, it's all-consumingly offensive. It's like a stinky, burning fart in the middle of a lily field. (Yeah, I did just say that).

Here's the history: I have acne. At one point in my life, I had terrible, horrible, bulbous acne that hurt and made me feel hatred towards myself and everyone else in the universe. I might have been vain, but mostly, I was heartbroken. When I was 12, I started using my first topical retinoid. When I was 18, my face exploded with "adult onset acne". I cried EVERY SINGLE DAY. I started going to Three Rivers Dermatology in 2002. This is when I fell in love with Dr. Sassmannshausen. He did things like listen to me cry and give me pep talks about my personality and remembered personal facts and tid bits. He wore funky ties and made jokes. He took serious and aggressive, but patient and comforting approaches. We, patiently, took my acne to the cleaners. He's awesome. I recommended him to at least 10 people in the last 10 years.

Somewhere along the line his practice has started taking itself way too seriously. It has a damn spa thingy attached to it (it's called Windy Ridge. WINDY RIDGE!!!), he has a staff of like 25 nurses and he's way too busy to interact effectively. This is great, right? His practice has boomed! Except, where does that leave the customer? Rushed and pushed around by nurses who cut off your sentences and have the same amount of bedside manner as a corpse? Yes. Sitting in a waiting room for 20 minutes to hold audience with the doctor for 2? Yes. Calling in to ask a serious question only to be redirected to 2 different people, ending up talking to the phone nurse who is, at best, kind of a jerk? Yes. Sorry, but in my book, this is not progress.

Also, while my nurse was updating my patient history today, she cut me off at least a half dozen times and NEVER let me justify my answers. Don't we all think it's important to note that histories are unique and side bars should be considered? It was infuriating. And to the point where I intentionally moved my body away from hers and crossed my arms. I wanted her to get the point that yes, in fact, she was cutting me off from my own appointment. She didn't seem to care. It doesn't matter, except that it does. For mainly two reasons:

1) I'm a long time patient. 10 years, guys. When I think about breaking up with Three Rivers Dermatology, my heart actually aches. 2) I actually paid them money to make me feel like a doofus.

On the upside, Dr. Sassmanhausen is still cool as hell. And we have a thick history. I can't sever that so easily -- but I can't continue to put up the notion that taking yourself too seriously, being cold and pre-occupied and being rushed and pushed around is to be considered professional. I had a horrible experience (2 within one month)and it's like this: What the hell?

I mean, he can always hire me for Customer Service Consultant, I'd be up for that - because some of these nurses have a thing or two to learn about humans. And I'm not talking anatomy.

Pho tai, nam and being good at things

There are things I do really well. Seriously. If you know me, this is something I bet you doubt, but it's true. For example, I'm pretty damn savvy in most social situations. There are, of course, some scenarios that send me over the edge, but mostly.. mostly, I'm prepared for many awkward interactions.

Also, I'm kick ass at my job. I am. Right now, I'm planning a puppet show, Mail Art programs for home schoolers, a poetry workshop in April and bringing in real life comic book artists in May. Kids love me. Kids love my robot earrings and red shoes and the high fives I dish out on a regular basis and my story times and how they know I will stand up for them when bullies are dick heads and grown-ups are mean. Kids know this about me, they remember the people they like and like you back. They remember when a grown-up doesn't take herself too seriously. They remember when you take time to listen. Kids, honestly, are the best things ever. They know I think that and they reward me with devotion reserved for cool ass librarians.

I, also, must be really good at bragging.

Anyway, among other things (and the aforementioned items), I'm also really, really good at eating. No lie. I'm good at ordering foods I like and eating the shit out of them. Pho, pizza, coney dogs, chili and soups, sandwiches, sides, appetizers, desserts and everything of the sort. If it's food, I'll eat it. I'll eat it in a way in which one would think it was my job to consume food - sometimes gracefully, with manners, sometimes lacking both elegance and table side charm. I mean, it all depends on the food. I eat pizza with my hands, pho with chopsticks, sloppy joes with getting the sloppy on my face, ice cream in little bites.. honestly, I've gotten it down.

Take me out to eat and you'll see. You won't regret it. In addition to seeing a professional eat food, you'll also get to hang out with me. And I really like making friends.